But I Wanna Be a Renaissance Woman! Impostor Syndrome

His opinion matters to me. When he said that now it is all about Specialists and that the Rennaissance Man is a thing of the past, my stomach sunk to about my knees. Not all the way down to I’m a complete failure, but a definite tug to reevaluate. Why can’t I do it all?

Here comes the meaningful introspection part.  If you want to roll your eyes and click away now, I’m totally okay with that.  But who knows, maybe we have something in common.  You know you want to at least skim ahead and see if there’s anything of value, don’t you?  I bet you want to see if that last paragraph has a some conclusion or action list or insight that’ll benefit you.

Here I am, fortunate to have the resources to autodidactilly pursue my passion(s).  Well, at least I sort of have the resources.  Time is a resource, and I never have enough of that.  I’m damned by a short attention span and a unwavering determination to master everything intriguing that crosses my path.  Combine that with a bent towards perfectionism and a whiff of confidence vacillation, and there’s that potential for bum bum BUM…. failure. Saints preserve us, not the F-word!

I was asked what exactly I want to do in this field.  Serious stuff, because this was in reference to potential employment.  Fortunate for me this conversation was with someone who seems to mirror at least a fraction of the admiration I hold for him.  I am sincerely grateful.  The challenge is, I’m fascinated with the whole entire process, from inception to creation to all of the kinds of marketing and optimization and content and staying current.  The Damn Big Picture.  Unremarkable knowledge in all the parts, no real depth in any single one – that’s what I bring to the table.  And I don’t know if I want to specialize – what if I dig deep and then get bored?  Or worse, confused?

He told me I suffer from Imposter Syndrome.

So, what to do with this?  Well, plain and simple, I’ll never be one who can let go of the big picture. However, my knowledge is not unremarkable, my accomplishments are testament to my ability, drive, and all the other vague resume-stuffers I’m not supposed to use.  Yes, I am a team player.  Yes, of course I’m flexible,  and I learn quickly, and I want to make a difference.  So far, so good.

 

 

Gabrielle V Brown

Gabrielle resides in the Rocky Mountains where she makes websites, plays with food, does church things, and writes stories. Gabrielle studies at a seminary in the upper midwest.